A Kiss Tells All, or does it?
by Literati Lover
Summary: Whitney's having a party. Somehow, Frida, Em/Nikki, Lulu, and Christopher all end up going. McKayla Donofrio is also there and has her eye on Christopher. What happens when McKayla decides to make her movie and Em/Nikki sees it
1. Why Am I Here? EmNikki's POV

Title: A Kiss Tells All… Or Does It?

Rating: T (just to be safe)

Summary: There is a party going on hosted by Whitney. Somehow, Frida, Em/Nikki, Lulu, and Christopher all end up going. McKayla Donofrio is also there and has her eye on Christopher. What happens when McKayla decides to make her movie and Em/Nikki sees it?

Disclaimer: I do not own the story. It belongs to the wonderful Meg Cabot, of course!

A/N: For those of you waiting on my Gilmore Girls Trory story, I haven't forgotten. I just wanted to refresh my brain with something else!

This occurs in Being Nikki around pages 149-150. It occurs after the speech Christopher gives about how Stark's legacy is murder, yet before Steven goes with Nikki to Christopher's house. I don't have an EXACT time, but it occurs around that time. Just imagine that there was an extra scene in there.

Em's POV

I don't know how I got dragged into this! I'm stuck going to Whitney's Friday Night Birthday Bash, and I really don't understand why.

I mean, I'm _Nikki Howard_ (well, technically). And yet, I'm still being forced to go to some party to keep an eye on Frida. What about the fact that this is my _first_ night off in practically forever, especially with this whole Stark Angels show. Stark has been working me nonstop, making me practice my walk and how to stand and how to make the diamond bra look _just right_. As if a bra that cost 10 million dollars needs any help looking 'fabulous'.

So, my first night off and I'm being dragged to the party of one of the people I despise most in the world--aside from Robert Stark, of course. Well, and McKayla Donofrio. I mean, who does she think she is looking at Christopher that way? Christopher decides to cut his hair and go all "super villain" and now everyone has their eyes on him. It's pathetic. But anyway, my point is, why am I being dragged to a party at Whitney's house?!

I'll tell you why. Because Frida wants to be part of the Walking Dead so badly that she'll do anything. She _begged_ my parents to go, but of course, they said absolutely not. They were not about to let her go to a party that didn't even have parents there. So Frida recommended me to go with her, as a sort of chaperone. Of course, my parents said that wasn't possible, because I couldn't just go to places with Frida, because it would be too obvious. I wasn't supposed to be Em, I was supposed to be Nikki. And Nikki Howard didn't go to parties to chaperone someone who wasn't –-technically—her sister. So I almost got out of it.

But nooooooo. Frida had to watch _everything_ Whitney did. So Frida happened to notice that Whitney invited me to the party as well. And she happened to inform our parents that if "Nikki Howard" went, it would look like she just went because she was invited by one of the most popular girls in school.

My parents thought that was a good enough idea, so they once again asked me to go. But I told them that I was tired and needed to rest, due to all of my duties as Nikki, of course. So they told Frida that she would just have to stay home. By now, I _really really_ thought I had gotten out of it.

But, of course, Frida is Frida, and she doesn't give up once she sets her mind on something. So I'm sitting on Nikki's couch—or well, my couch, I guess—talking to Lulu about how McKayla has been watching Christopher too closely for my taste and getting advice from Lulu about the situation when her phone rings. I glance over her shoulder to see that the screen says _Frida_.

Before I could tell her not to answer, she had already flipped the phone open. I heard parts of the conversation, enough to know I didn't like it.

"Hey, Frida," Lulu said, answering.

"Hey, Lulu!" Frida exclaimed, excited. Last time we saw Frida, Lulu gave her the number to her personal cell so that they could "chat" if Frida ever wanted to. I think Frida nearly had a panic attack.

"So Lulu……" I heard Frida start. "There's this really awesome party tonight I was thinking about going to……"

"Oohh, really?" Lulu said, raising her eyebrows.

This was definitely not looking good.

"Yeah, really. But see, my parents won't let me go unless I go with someone older that I know. So I was thinking, you know, that you and Nikki might want to come. I hear there will be _tons_ of cute boys…….."

Frida was playing so low.

"Definitely, Frida. We'd love to go, especially for you," Lulu said, smiling.

I groaned and dropped my head into my hands. I was going to kill Frida for this one!

"Ok, we'll see you there at 7:30," Lulu said, hanging up, turning towards me. "Party time!" she squealed. "What am I going to wear?"

"Lulu, please tell me you did not just tell Frida we would go to a party with her."

"Of course I did!" she exclaimed. "Hello, it's a party! You love parties!"

"Lulu, this is a _highschool_ party!"

"And, so what? Aren't you the one who was so interested in going to high school in the first place?"

She was right. I hated when she was right.

"Well, yeah, but this is different….." I tried to explain.

"Nope, not really. Come on, we're going!" Lulu said, jumping up and heading towards the closet.

And _that_ is how I ended up in this position. I am currently in the limo with Lulu on the way to Whitney's party. And the worst part is, we're in the_ limo_. We must look ridiculous. This was definitely the worst possible way to get rid of any extra and unnecessary attention. But of course, Lulu absolutely _could not_ walk that far in her heels. Although I don't blame her, I still wasn't used to the shoes that Nikki's body was required to wear constantly. Like right now.

Lulu had dressed me up in a short, red satin halter dress by Max Azria (.) with my matching red Jimmy Choos (.) –which were still slightly hard to walk in, even after all of my Stark training.

Lulu herself was wearing a Black One shoulder Jessica McClintock dress (.) with her Black Burberry Heels (/ebay/Burberry%20High%20Heel%20Jewel%20Black%20Shoes%)

We look very glam. I would say we look a little _too_ glam to be going to a party at Whitney's house, but Lulu insists that a girl should always look her best.

When we finally got there, Lulu practically had to drag me out of the limo.

"Come on, Nikki. Frida says there will be some cute guys. I know how you love cute guys."

Ah, yes. I was well aware of how Nikki's body loved cute guys, especially when their mouths touched hers. It was definitely Nikki's biggest weakness. But that didn't mean I wanted to be with any of those guys.

The only lips I wanted on mine—or well, Nikki's I guess—was Christopher's.

Regardless, I got up and followed her into Whitney's house. The house was decorated extravagantly. I mean, it was no where near as extravagant as the one Lulu was currently planning for our place, but still. Definitely extravagant for a high school party. The lights were dimmed to almost complete darkness, and the only thing keeping the place lit up was the thousands of twinkling lights stranded across the walls. There was a chocolate fountain –which Whitney would never be caught eating, because it had wayyyy too many calories for her—and a 5-tiered cake sitting next to it. It looked more like a cake for a wedding than a birthday. There was even an ice sculpture of Whitney herself. Umm, that was just way too weird. Who does that? (Well, besides Whitney, of course.)

Anyway, after coming back to my senses, I remembered what Lulu had said.

"Lulu, you know the only cute guy I want is Christopher. And there's no way he'd ever be caught dead at a party like……"

I trailed off, because there, at Whitney's party, standing in the corner, was the topic of conversation, as well the one person who nearly consumed all of my thoughts: Christopher.

A/N: I already have chapter two written. I think this may end up being only like 4 or 5 chapters. Let me know what you think. Please review. It encourages me to write. I often get discouraged and don't write for a while. But I really want to finish this story, so please review.

Whether you want to criticize, offer advice, or compliment is fine. Just please review?! I'll post the next part once I get some ideas of what you guys think! The next part is in Christopher's POV!

Hope you like it!


	2. Why Am I Here? Christopher's POV

A/N: Here's part two. I hope you like it! By the way, if you notice, this chapter says Whitney's _apartment _when the last chapter said _house_. I changed it, because I realized that New York probably doesn't have quite too many houses, especially not where the characters live. Sorry about the confusion!

Christopher's POV

I cannot believe that my dad forced me into this. I really cannot. I despise my father right now. And I also despise Whitney, because it's her fault I'm here in the first place. If she hadn't given me that stupid flyer……

So here's what happened:

Whitney was going around in school, passing out flyers for her, as she called it……Her Friday Night Birthday Bash. She walked past my locker while I was packing up some books, looked me up and down—as if checking to see if I was worthy—and then handed one to me.

"So Chris, I hope you'll come to my birthday party," Whitney said, batting her eyelashes.

Was she _serious?!_ First, why would she even want me there? Wasn't it just a few months ago that she would mock me and Em?

But then again, times were different a few months ago. I had Em. I had long hair. I still played Journeyquest. What I wouldn't give to get those days back.

But still, was she actually serious? Why did she want me at her party? And what ever gave her the idea that I'd want to go to a party like hers. But whatever.

"Ummm, no thanks," I said, turning to walk away.

"Oh, Christopher," she said, swatting my arm playfully. "Don't be shy."

She was really getting on my nerves. Who did she think she was?! Did she think I'd forget all of the mean stuff she said about Em just because Em had died? It definitely wasn't going to happen.

"Everyone's going to be there. I mean, even Nikki was invited!" she said, still trying to get me to respond.

My heart added an extra beat. I'm not sure what it was about, but I shrugged it off. It must be frustration with Whitney. That's all.

Besides, I didn't really picture Nikki Howard as someone who would go to a high schoolers party, but I could be wrong. Since I didn't exactly picture Nikki Howard as someone who would go to _high school_, and well apparently, I was wrong about that.

"Yeah, well not _everyone_ will be there," I said, trying to walk away again.

"Christopher, I know you want to come. Don't be shy, just take the flyer," she said, laughing and looking around at her friends, especially her sidekick, Lauren. She folded it and placed it in my backpack before turning and walking away.

So, that's what it was. She wanted to show off. She wanted me to accept her invitation. She was worried that I'd embarrass her.

I wanted to rip the invitation out of my bag, wad it up, and shoot it at her forehead, but I couldn't, because she was already walking away. So I left it, grabbed my bag and headed home.

That was Monday, and by today, I had completely forgotten about it. I pulled my books out of my bag as I sat down on the couch to attempt to do some homework. Even though it was Friday, I didn't have much else to do. I couldn't work on hacking into Stark until Nikki got me that code.

I knew she would though. I wasn't sure _how_ I knew, but I just knew. I knew that I could trust her with it. It was a weird feeling. I felt oddly connected to Nikki, and I felt that I could trust her with a lot of things. There was something about her, and I wasn't sure what it was. It was something I wanted to find out.

Anyway, as I was sitting on the leather couch doing my homework, the Commander walked in. He bent down and picked up a piece of crinkled paper and looked at it.

"What's this?" he asked me, curiously.

"Oh, just some invitation to some girl's party. You can toss it," I said, shrugging and turning back to my work.

"It says the party's tonight……" he continued, still staring at the paper.

"and your point is……?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"You should go."

"Or not," I said, looking at him like he was crazy. "Dad, I do not want to go to some shallow high school party for some girl that I couldn't care less about," I explained, bored.

"Yeah, well, you were invited. You should go. Besides, you haven't gotten out of the house in a while. Since, well, since Em died," he said, getting quieter towards the end.

My whole body tensed. I knew it was true. I mean I _knew_ she was dead. But still, hearing it mentioned made my heart break and my body tense. If only I had another chance, I would tell her that I loved her and that I wanted to be with her. I would kiss her like crazy and never let her go. But I would never have another chance. And I hated hearing it, because it made her death feel so much more……well, real.

It was easier to pretend that it was a nightmare and to tell myself that eventually I'd wake up. But to hear it, it brought me back to reality. There was no waking up. Em was gone. Dead. She was no longer alive, and she would never be alive again.

My eyes started to feel glossy, and my jaw and fist clenched.

"Dad……" I said, warningly.

"Look son," the Commander said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I know this has been hard on you. I know that you really cared about Em……"

"I loved her, dad," I said, still clenching my teeth, trying not to cry.

"I know, Son," he said, with pity.

Great. Just what I needed. My father, pitying me.

"But, you can't just stop living because of this. You need to move on. I know you don't want to. I know that it hurts. But it's the truth. I wish it wasn't, but it is. That's just the way it is. You're going to have to move on. Life doesn't stop moving just because the people we love are no longer living. Life goes on, and we have to move with it or be run over."

"Yeah, well I'd rather be run over, but thanks," I said, grimly. I know I shouldn't talk to my dad like that. But I didn't want to hear it anymore. I was tired of hearing how I needed to move on. He didn't know how I felt. The person that I loved was gone, and I never even kissed her or told her how I felt. I was an idiot for not noticing it while she was here. And I'll regret it for the rest of my life.

I looked up and saw that my dad's face was getting red, and he looked angry. I guess my last comment was a bit much.

"Now, Christopher Maloney. That was uncalled for. You get yourself up. You get dressed, and you take yourself to that party tonight," he said, strictly, turning to walk away.

"I'm not going, dad," I said, annoyed. I hated telling my father no. I never told him no. But I wasn't going to go to the party of some girl I hated who just happened to be the girl who made fun of the girl I loved back when she was alive.

"Oh, yes, you are. Because I said you're going. End of story. You _are_ going," he said, giving me _the look_.

I knew that look. That look meant do what I say _or else_. And let me just tell you, from experience, you do _NOT_ want to experience the _or else_.

"Fine, dad. Whatever," I said, picking up my books, sighing, and heading to my room.

I threw on my favorite Ramones t-shirt, some tight dark blue jeans, and my leather jacket. I grabbed the flyer with the address to Whitney's house, and I headed out the door. But I still glared at my dad and slammed the door on the way out.

Hey, you can't always act your age. Every now and then, you have to be immature in order to prove a point.

So, anyway, that's how I found myself heading to the party of the one of the people I despise most—aside from Stark, of course.

I continued all the way to Whitney's house. I thought about bailing a few times. I thought that I would just go somewhere else, hang out for a few hours, go home, and my dad would never know. But the thing is, he would know. Somehow. My dad would find out. I mean, after all, he was the Commander. He knew things. I wasn't sure how he knew, but he did.

When I was younger, I would have sworn that he had hidden cameras everywhere I went. He always knew when I had done something wrong.

So, reluctantly, I dragged myself up to Whitney's door. I would have knocked, but that wasn't necessary. People were going in and out as they pleased. Loud music was blaring from the apartment loft, so much that you could hear it down the hall. I walked in to see the most extravagant party I had ever seen.

Thousands of lights, a DJ, a giant cake, a chocolate fountain, and……an ice sculpture?! Was that really necessary?

I mean, really, this has _got_ to be a joke. She has an ice sculpture of herself. That's just so….so…..something only Whitney would do.

I scanned the room for any familiar faces. Not that I'd really see any. I mean, yeah, I guess I recognized most people from school. But I didn't really talk to anyone. Em had been my only friend…….and…..well yeah, I didn't want to think about that. Just thinking about it made my throat tighten and my eyes burn.

I stood in the corner, just watching everyone pass by. This party was out of control. There were people dancing on the table and alcohol was everywhere. I mean, what kind of parents let their kids have parties like this, especially when they have neighbors who could hear and easily call the cops?

I can't believe my dad wanted me to come to this party so much. _I'm sure my dad would be so proud_, I laughed sarcastically.

I went and found some soda, then went back to my corner, still scanning the room. I thought it was more entertaining to analyze what everyone else was doing.

Lauren, Whitney's sidekick, was over across the hall in a dress that appeared more like lingerie, twisting her hair around her finger, and trying to flirt. Well, she was more than trying, she was succeeding. The football player she had targeted was long gone. I'd like to think that they were having a serious conversation, but I'd only be fooling myself. Lauren was having a one way conversation, telling him whatever he wanted to hear, only he wasn't listening. He was too busy focusing on something, well, little below the neckline if you know what I mean. Her dress didn't leave too much to the imagination.

I scoffed. The Walking Dead. That's definitely what they were. If only Em were here to share this with.

My chest burned, and I quickly scanned the room to look for another pathetic interaction.

But I froze when I saw Nikki walk in. My heart skipped a beat. It must have been the heat from too many people dancing, mixed with the caffeine in the cola.

What was she doing here anyway? Wasn't she too busy for a high school party?

I noticed that she was talking to Lulu Collins—the one whose father had _really_ screwed up the Journeyquest movie. Although, it didn't matter, because I didn't even play Journeyquest anymore.

Anyway, just as Nikki was scanning the room, her attention landed on me. Her eyes practically bulged out of her head, and I was intrigued. Why was she so shocked to see me here? Was I really that _uncool_ to where I wouldn't be invited to a party like this?

Anyway, she quickly recovered, her cheeks turned red and she gave a small smile and waved.

For the first time that night, I smiled back and started to head over to her. Maybe now I'd finally be able to convince her to get me that code I needed.

I needed to stop Stark. I needed to bring them down. They cost me the most important person in my life. Nothing anyone does will stop me, because I _will_ bring them down. I'll make them pay for what they did to Em. Her parents didn't even sue or anything. But I was going to make them pay. Much more than they'd lose in a lawsuit. I was going to take them down, once and for all.

But first, I needed Nikki's help. And I knew she would help me, because well, as I said, I just knew. There was something about her. I knew I could count on her.

Nikki Howard was my secret weapon to bring out Stark Enterprises, and I would stop at nothing to take them down.

My eyes were still locked on Nikki's, as I started walking towards her. But I was stopped, when I felt someone grab my wrist, and I slowly turned around……

A/N: That's all for part two. Tell me what you think. Review and tell me what you liked, what you didn't like, what I could change, and if you think Christopher's POV sounds ok or if I need to change anything? Please review and let me know, and I'll try to update soon!


	3. What have I done to deserve this? Em POV

A/N: Here's the next part…….it's back to Em's POV

Em's POV

I froze when my eyes landed on Christopher.

What was _he_ doing here?!

I mean, I know a lot has changed since I "died", but still, I never imagined that he would come to Whitney's birthday party. We both said that we wouldn't be caught dead at a party like this, which I guess is ironic in my case.

But really, What _was_ he doing here?

The Christopher I knew would never enjoy a party like this. Then again, was he really the Christopher I knew and remembered? I mean, he didn't even play Journeyquest anymore. Plus, he chopped off all of his hair, not to mention the whole "evil villain" phase he was going through.

But even that wasn't enough to convince me that he would enjoy this party. I still knew MY Christopher, and I knew that he wouldn't be at a party like this.

But in a way, I was a little glad that he was here. Maybe this party will be more interesting than I thought. Maybe we can finally spend some time together outside of school. Although, he probably just wants to ask me if I got that password for Stark yet. Really, why is my life so difficult?

The guy I'm in love with is in love with me, but he doesn't know it, because my body is currently cremated. Which, well, I don't like to think about that. It's way too weird. But really, could anything like this happen to anyone else?

I highly doubt it.

Anyway, needless to say, Christopher looks absolutely amazing. He's wearing his Ramones t-shirt, with his new trademark leather jacket and jeans that hug him in ALL of the right places. Believe me, you'd have to be a blind fool not to notice _those_ jeans on _that_ body. His new short hair was somewhat disheveled, as if he had just decided to show up here without actually caring about how he looked. Yet, even without trying, he still managed to look amazing.

His short hair looked as if it would feel soft and silky if I were to run Nikki's freshly manicured fingers through it. You could tell that he hadn't cared much about the party, because he hadn't even bothered to shave. But I didn't mind. His five o'clock shadow made him look even more appealing, if at all possible. It was obvious that Christopher didn't need to TRY to look good. He just, well, DID look good. He didn't need to put any effort into it.

I noticed that his cheeks and lips were slightly red, maybe from the cold. Maybe he hadn't gotten here too much earlier than I had. I couldn't help but stare at his lips and imagine what it would be like to brush them against my own.

I started to imagine different scenarios when I realized that I was still staring, and that Christopher was staring right back at me. I blushed and waved as I smiled, hoping that he hadn't noticed my obvious staring and daydreaming.

I kept my attention on him, until I saw a hand in front of my face and heard a familiar voice next to me.

"Nikki, hello," I turned to see Lulu waving her hand in front of me and calling my name.

"So that's Christopher, huh?" she said, looking over. Her eyebrows rose, and she smiled in approval.

"How'd you know?" I asked, curiously.

"It was clearly obvious by the way you were just gaping at him."

I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks. I really hoped Christopher hadn't noticed.

"I cannot believe it. I'm so embarrassed."

"Relax, I'm sure he didn't even notice. I mean, I'm your best friend. It's like a rule that I have to notice," she said, casually brushing it off.

"I hope not," I said, relaxing a little.

"Anyway, Nikki, I didn't realize that Christopher was so _hot_. I mean, I know you have good taste and all, but still. I mean, look at those jeans," she said, sighing in admiration. Believe me, I had already looked. I had looked enough to burn that image into my mind for a long time. "Of course, he has nothing on your brother though," she finished

I could tell that Lulu was envisioning things with Steven as I had just been doing with Christopher.

"Yeah, well, that's your opinion," I said, rolling my eyes.

I mean, ok, Steven was good looking. But, he was my brother…in a way, I guess. I mean, at least genetically. And well, that's just weird. I couldn't imagine being with Nikki's brother in Nikki's body. First off, I only have eyes for Christopher. Secondly, I'm pretty sure that Steven would be incredibly weirded out if I came onto him or something. I mean, he still thinks I'm Nikki. Which, I am, in a way. But, you know what I mean. And lastly, I mean can you imagine what would happen to our kids? Yeah, you just don't mix DNA like that.

I shuddered at the very unpleasant thoughts, before Lulu interrupted me again.

"But really, great pick, Nikki. Now go over and say hi," Lulu said, shoving me a bit.

I turned to start walking towards Christopher, and I noticed that he had already begun walking towards me. Perfect.

However, he took a few more steps, before he was stopped by someone pulling on his arm. I looked behind him to see who it was.

If I didn't despise Whitney enough as it was, I definitely despised her now. What did she think she was doing, stopping Christopher from walking over towards me?!

I glared at her direction, when I saw Christopher turn to look at her. I decided to walk a little closer, just to hear what was going on. I mean, yeah, ok, I guess it's rude to eavesdrop, but whatever. Christopher was mine, and Whitney had no idea who she was messing with.

But my walking closer didn't matter anyway, because the party was too loud. I still couldn't hear, and if I had gone any closer, it would be way too obvious that I was listening in.

I wanted Christopher to like me and all, but I didn't want him to think I was some sort of stalker. I mean, I had already shown up in front of his building, balling my eyes out the other day. Not to mention the dinosaur stickers-since he apparently didn't understand the hidden meaning behind that either. He's got to be wondering about my sanity by now.

I saw Whitney laugh, giggle, twirl her hair, etc. You know, the normal stuff she does when she's trying to flirt with some guy.

But see, this wasn't just some guy. This was Christopher. MY Christopher. I had loved him for years, and it wasn't fair that I was standing watching as Whitney was all over him.

I saw her bat her eyelashes and pucker her lips a bit as she talked. It was so obvious that she was fully and completely flirting. Then she took her index finger and touched Christopher's lips, running her finger all the way down his chest.

My body tensed. If looks could kill, I'm so sure Whitney would be dead about now.

I really wish I could see Christopher's reaction. I mean, I know he's always hated Whitney. But things are different now. And I mean, she IS attractive, even if it is completely fake. But still, I mean he's a guy, he's got to notice that she's good looking right? Does he care? I hope not. I mean, I don't think the old Christopher would have cared.

Although I did notice the old Christopher staring at Nikki's boobs at the Stark grand opening. But, I mean, those were my boobs now, so I guess in a way, that's okay.

But was he really going to fall for Whitney's embarrassingly and painfully obvious attempt to gain his attention? I sure hoped not.

Right when I couldn't take it any longer and was going to walk over there, I saw McKayla walk by and pull on his arm, dragging him away from Whitney.

McKayla too?!

Ok, I mean, I get that Christopher is "hot" now, with his short hair and "evil villain" attitude and leather jacket and all that, but two girls…..in one night. Really?!

I was getting really annoyed, really upset, and really jealous.

I mean, how did I know what was going on with Christopher and McKayla? They could be dating for all I knew. (I really hoped not).

But luckily (or maybe unluckily, I wasn't quite sure), he was still in love with a dead girl (who just happened to be me, but he didn't know it). Could my life get any worse?

Please don't answer that.

Anyway, I'm not really sure what McKayla wanted. But I glared at her anway, until I saw her look up at me from over Christopher's shoulder. She glared back and gave me a wicked smile, and I felt my fists clench. What was she up to anyway?

I saw Christopher move as if he was going to turn around and look at what McKayla was interested in behind him, but she caught his chin and turned his face back to hers.

My anger really bubbled inside of me. What did she think she was doing? Putting her hands all over my Christopher?

Was Whitney not enough? Now I have to compete with McKayla too?!

Just how many girls were interested in Christopher anyway?

You know what, I probably don't want the answer to that question.

"What are you waiting for?" I heard from beside me.

"He's with another girl," I said, turning around to look up at Lulu, instead of the pathetic scene I had been witnessing.

"And your point is? Come on, you're _Nikki Howard_. You don't worry about other girls. You march over there and show that tramp that he's yours," she said, shoving me a little.

So that was it then. I finally decided I was going to march over there and interrupt. After all, I _was_ Nikki Howard now. Nikki Howard didn't have to worry about competing with average high school girls to win the heart of some high school boy. But then again, this wasn't just SOME boy. It was THE boy. The boy who I have loved for as long as I can remember. And he DEFINITELY wasn't average.

But still, Christopher _had_ to like me more than Whitney and McKayla, right? And if all else fails, I can make up some excuse about Stark that would get his attention and pull him away from McKayla, right?

So clearly, I had the power in this situation. And I was about to use it. I was not about to let McKayla or Whitney hang all over Christopher for one more minute.

But, when I turned back around to walk closer to Christopher, my heart stopped. I must have felt my heart shatter into a million pieces right there in the middle of Whitney's loft. Because, there, in front of me was Christopher, in the same place as before. But now, instead of McKayla standing next to him, she was pressed up against him, and his lips were touching hers.

I couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to faint.

Never before had my heart ached so much. I thought that I had already experienced all the pain in the world when I realized that I would have to spend the rest of my life as Nikki Howard. But none of that even came close to comparing to the pain I felt watching McKayla's lips move against the lips that I had been longing to kiss for so long.

And that's when I realized that I really, really hated being Nikki Howard.

A/N: Ok, that's all for now. Sorry it's a little short, but I've been busy. I figured that posting a short post was better than not updating at all.

Please review?! I need to know what you like, dislike, etc.

Also, reviews encourage me to write faster! Please review!

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!


	4. What have I done to deserve this? Chris

Title: A Kiss Tells All… Or Does It?

Rating: T (just to be safe)

Summary: There is a party going on hosted by Whitney. Somehow, Frida, Em/Nikki, Lulu, and Christopher all end up going. McKayla Donofrio is also there and has her eye on Christopher. What happens when McKayla decides to make her movie and Em/Nikki sees it?

Disclaimer: I do not own the story. It belongs to the wonderful Meg Cabot, of course!

A/N: Here's the next part……in Christopher's POV. I hope that you like it! Be sure to let me know what you think!

Christopher's POV

My eyes were still locked on Nikki's, as I started walking towards her. But I was stopped, when I felt someone grab my wrist, and I slowly turned around……

I turned around to see…..

Whitney?!!!

Did Whitney _REALLY_ not get the idea that we were not together. Not only that, I didn't even _like_ her. Not even a little bit. Actually, I nearly despised her altogether.

Yet, here she was, pulling on my arm.

Granted, I did end up coming to her party when I said I wouldn't. And that _probably_ made it seem like I was interested or playing that stupid hard-to-get crap. But really, I wasn't. I was forced to be here by the Commander.

And even though I had to come to this stupid party that I definitely didn't want to be at, things were starting to look up when I spotted Nikki.

But now, I was being turned away from Nikki to face someone I disliked with a passion.

"What do you want, Whitney?" I asked, with a completely dull, annoyed, and bored expression.

"Oh, Christopher, I'm just _soooo_ happy you came," she said, dragging out the so and sticking her lips out.

Was that supposed to be hot or attractive in some way?! She looked like a fish, for crying out loud. It was embarrassing.

"Yeah, well, it wasn't my choice," I said, grimly.

"Right. You're so funny," she said, giggling.

Was she _serious?!!!_ Did she not sense the annoyance practically radiating off of my body.

"Right," I said, trying to turn away, but she put her arm on my shoulder to stop me.

"Christopher, you don't have to play hard to get. I'm right here. If you want me, you can have me," she said, her eyelashes fluttering.

It wasn't attractive. At all.

"I'm not playing anything, Whitney. And, actually, you may find this hard to believe, but I _DON'T_ want you."

I didn't want anyone. Well, besides Em. And that just wasn't possible. Not anymore. Em was gone…..

I pushed the thought away just as my chest was starting to burn.

I looked at Whitney, seeing if she had gotten my point.

But apparently Whitney wasn't that intelligent. What did it take to get this girl to go away?!

"Oh, Christopher. You're so shy," she said, giggling again.

What was her problem?! How stupid was she that she didn't understand the words _I DON'T WANT YOU._

I mean, really. Did she have a brain at all?!

"Well, Whitney, as lovely as this has been, I need to be going. I have some business to take care of," I said, trying to glance over my shoulder at Nikki, but Whitney stopped me.

"Christopher, hun…."

Hun?! Did she honestly just call me _hun _?!!What was this girl's problem?!

I was about to object, but I didn't get a chance to, because she continued talking.

"Look. Nikki has a busy life. She can't bother with high school boys like you," she said, trying to sound sympathetic.

I felt my chest ache, and I wondered why.

I didn't really care if Nikki had time for me anyway, right? I didn't like Nikki. That much was obvious.

I was still in love with Em.

So why did that thought bother me?

I tried to think about it, but then I decided that it must be because Nikki was going to help me get revenge on Stark. And without Nikki, I wouldn't get the revenge that Em deserved.

That must be it.

"You see, Christopher. You need a girl who has time for you. A girl who can give you everything a man needs. A girl like me."

Whitney looked up at me behind drooped lids (again, was this supposed to be attractive? I actually found it rather appalling).

She put her finger on my lips and began running it all the way down the center of my chest. Right down through the "O" in my RAMONES shirt.

I grimaced and was about to push her away and tell her to get away from me, when she opened her mouth again.

"Look, Christopher. I know that you're upset about _that girl_ dying and all…."

I felt my fists clench…

_THAT_ girl?!!!

That _GIRL?!!!_

She wasn't just _THAT GIRL_! She was my best friend. The only person in the entire world that I connected with. The only person that I could truly be myself with. The person who made me laugh nonstop. The girl who didn't have to try hard to be beautiful. I loved her just the way she was. I loved watching Discovery Channel with her and playing Journeyquest with her.

Meeting Em was the best moment of my life. She was my life. Which is probably why I've been feeling so empty in these months since she's been gone. Since she was my life, I was practically _dead_ without her.

So she wasn't just _THAT GIRL!_

She was _THE GIRL!_

"but you need to move on. And I'm here to help you do it…"

I felt my fists clench tighter. I know that the Commander told me never to hit a girl, but this was an exception. I was going to hit her so hard, she wouldn't even remember her own name.

I was going to make her forget everything she'd ever done and said about Em. She wasn't even worthy enough to have those memories.

I was just about to teach her a lesson, when I felt someone grab my arm. I was caught so off guard that I stumbled along as the person pulled me.

I finally caught my balance and looked up to see McKayla.

First, what was McKayla doing at a party like this? She seemed way too "goody goody" to go to a party like this.

And what did she want with me?

This was turning into some crazy night.

"McKayla? What are you doing?" I asked, curiously.

"I could see you getting tense over there. I didn't want you doing something you'd regret," she said, smiling up at me.

"I wouldn't have regretted it one bit," I said, through gritted teeth, glaring and remembering what Whitney had said.

"Yeah, well. You may have thought differently when you went home to your father," she said, again.

I didn't think so. I knew that my father would have tied into me. But landing a hit on Whitney for what she had said would have been well worth it. She's had it coming for a long time anyway.

But I shrugged it off. At least McKayla was _trying_ to help.

"Thanks," I said, not wanting to say more. I was still fuming about Whitney.

"No problem. I heard some of what Whitney was saying, and it was just awful. I mean, Emerson was such a great girl, and you two were such great friends. It must have really hurt you to lose her," McKayla said, putting her hand on my arm.

I looked down. Having her hand there felt really uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything. I was too busy trying to tell the pain in my chest to go away. It was the same pain that happened every time I thought about Em, or even heard her name mentioned.

"Yeah, it did," I said, not wanting to say more. I mean, what McKayla was saying was nice and all, so I didn't want to push her away. But I really didn't want to talk about it.

I looked up to see McKayla grinning what looked like a grin….possibly an evil one, because it definitely didn't look innocent….and it looked like she was pointing it somewhere over my shoulder towards where Nikki had entered earlier.

I turned to see what she was looking at, but I felt her hand grab my chin.

"Christopher, it's okay to be hurt. It's a human emotion. It's only natural. But you don't have to go through it alone. There are people who want to help you, and who want to make it better. Or at least make it easier," she finished.

Her hand was still on my chin and it made me feel very uncomfortable. I tried to shift a little to shrug it off, but she moved her hand to the back of my neck.

My eyes bulged a little as I tried to figure out what she was up to.

I saw her moving in, and I was about pull away when her lips came crashing into mine and she pressed her body up against mine.

And my first thought was, 'WHAT IS GOING ON?!'

I stood there in shock for a second, and my lips started moving on their own. I didn't do it. Really. It just, well, happened. I don't know how it happened. But, it just did.

And then, after about a half of a second, I realized what was going on. And it felt wrong. SO VERY WRONG.

I couldn't KISS McKayla!

Not when I was still in love with Em. Even if Em wasn't around, it still felt wrong. It still felt like I was cheating on her somehow. And with McKayla of all people?! What would Em think if she was alive? She would be disgusted with me! Kissing McKayla?! What was I thinking? Or correction, Why _WASN'T_ I thinking?!

I couldn't kiss anyone while I was in love with Em. It was just, well, WRONG! I realized how wrong it felt, and I realized that I needed to end it. Right away.

I pulled away, quickly, hoping that McKayla would get the picture. I opened my eyes-- and started to tell her that her kissing me was definitely NOT COOL-- when I looked up to see her smiling that same wicked smile over my shoulder once again.

I turned my head to see what she was looking at and came face to face with Nikki Howard.

But Nikki didn't look confident like she always did. She didn't have that tall posture and positive smile that she always carried with her and that showed in every ad she had ever done.

Instead, her mouth was gaping and her eyes were huge. Her eyebrows were creased, as if she was in pain. And then I looked into her eyes, and I think I saw a tear slide down her cheek. But I wasn't sure. Because just as quickly as I had looked into her eyes, she had turned her back. And then she was running.

Running away. From me.

A/N: What do you think? Any good?

Do you like reading Christopher's POV??? Do I write it well? Or do you have any suggestions?

Please review! Whether it's good or bad, I'd like to hear it!!! Reviews make my day, and they make me write faster!!

Hope you enjoyed it! (Now go review!!)


	5. What's Going On? Em's POV

Here's the next part. This is a very, very short chapter, but I need it in order to get the next chapter. Sorry that it's short, but I'll try to update soon!

_**Em's POV**_

My heart was breaking. It hurt so badly that I couldn't breathe. I felt like my heart was being crushed in my chest. It hurt so much. I didn't even know that pain existed on this high of a level.

I stood there, staring. My mouth was gaping and my eyebrows were furrowed.

I saw Christopher's lips touching McKayla's, and I just couldn't take it.

What _happened_ to Christopher?!! The Christopher I knew would NEVER kiss McKayla! He didn't like her at all. Who was this new Christopher?! What had he done with my best friend? My friend that would NEVER come to Whitney's birthday party and would NEVER, EVER kiss McKayla?!

If turning into Nikki hadn't changed my life enough, this sure had. Was NOTHING from my old life stable anymore?

I couldn't go on vacation with my family. I couldn't even talk to my best friend. He wasn't even the same person I remembered. I couldn't live in my room. I didn't have my same body. It felt like the ONLY thing I had left of my old life was my mind, and sometimes I felt like I was losing that too!

Why did this hurt so much?! Why did Christopher kiss McKayla?!

WHY?! Why, Why, Why?!!

So many questions, yet no answers.

I stood there, trying to contain myself, as I felt my eyes burning. I saw Christopher and McKayla separate, and then McKayla looked up to give me the most wicked smile I had ever seen.

Okay, McKayla. You win. You've beaten Nikki Howard. Is that what you want?

What do you want from me? You want me to leave school? Go back to my life? Do you want Christopher?

Well, you can have all of it. I'll leave the school and you can have this new Christopher. I don't even know the guy anyway!

I stood there, still staring, when I saw Christopher turn around and meet my eyes.

Those deep blue eyes that I remember still graced the face of the guy that I no longer knew.

I felt my heart tug as a tear ran down my cheek, and I turned. And ran. I ran away from Christopher. And away from everything I had known. I was tired of this life. Maybe it was time to be the real Nikki Howard. Maybe I should do what she did and just cut out my family, friends, everything. Start life brand new. It had to be easier than life now.

I continued running until I found the bathroom, where I climbed inside and shut the door.

Then I let the tears fall. I cried tears for my family that I missed so much. I cried tears for the room that I could no longer call my own. I cried tears for all the people who loved Nikki and didn't even know the truth—that she was _dead_. I cried for Christopher and the person he had become. And lastly, I cried for me. For the life that I knew I was finally going to let go of. I was no longer Em Watts. That much was clear. I had to start being Nikki for real. I had to let go of the past. And the idea of this made me cry the hardest.

I cried until I felt like all my tears had run dry, and then I cried some more. It felt like hours that I had been in the bathroom, but I really couldn't be sure. Time seemed to pass slowly when your heart was broken into a million pieces.

Finally, I heard a knock on the door. I tried to contain my sobs enough to answer.

"Someone's in here," I answered, through the tears.

"Em?" I heard, someone ask, as the door opened.

"What?!" I shouted, instinctively. The person didn't answer, so I turned around to see who it was.

I looked up to meet the most beautiful and deep blue eyes that I have ever seen in my entire life. The eyes that belonged to the person that haunts my dreams, Christopher.

And his eyes were wide. Very, very wide. And then I realized what he had just said.

Em.

He had just called me Em. How did he know?!

And I responded! I had practically just admitted that I was Em.

What had I just done?!!!!

A/N: I'm sorry that this chapter is very short, but I didn't want to mix this POV with Christopher's, because I didn't want to confuse anyone.

I hope that you enjoyed it.

Please, please, _please_ review and tell me what you think. Love it? Hate it? Is it good from Em's POV? Or should something be changed?

Thanks for reading, and please review?

I really don't like to update if I don't get reviews, because I feel like no one's reading.

I hope you enjoyed it! =)


	6. What's Going On? Chris' POV

A/N: The long awaited Christopher's POV! I'm sorry it's been forever. First, I had a busy summer. My one grandfather has been in and out of the hospital at least 5 times this summer. My other grandpa just got diagnosed with malignant skin cancer and then I started college, and I'm doing so much h/w, I've hardly slept. But I promised this chapter to StarofCalamity, so here it is! =) I hope you like it!

And sorry to all of my SWAC readers, I'll try to post a new one shot the next time I have a break from college!

***

Christopher's POV

I don't know why, but my heart felt heavy seeing Nikki like that. I had never seen her look so unsure. And the weirdest thing is that she was looking at me. I'm sure of it.

She _had_ to be looking at me. I met her eyes.

But _why?!_ Why was she looking at me like I had just stuck a knife in her back? It couldn't be because McKayla had kissed me (and that I just may have accidentally kissed back for half a second), right? I mean, why would that bother Nikki?

She doesn't like me. She doesn't even really _know_ me. Plus, I'm sure she's kissed tons of guys before. That thought made me a little uncomfortable to think about for some reason, so I shrugged it off.

I saw Nikki turn away from me and run, and I was shocked. Whatever I had done, I should probably fix it.

I turned and started to headed towards where Nikki had just run, but before I could take another step, I felt a someone grab my wrist.

What is up with people grabbing me today?!

I turned around, annoyed, thinking that it would be Whitney or McKayla, but I was surprised to find Nikki's best friend, Lulu.

Now, I was definitely confused. What could Nikki's friend _possibly _want with me?

She stood there with her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at me.

What have I done to make her so angry?

Tonight was definitely a weird night.

"_What_ is your problem?!" she spat me, still glaring.

"Umm…" I started, without a response. What was I supposed to say to that? I don't even know what I've done!

"Don't just stand there like an idiot. Tell me why you broke Nikki's heart like that!" she insisted, still glaring.

"I'm not sure I know what you're talking about…." I said, still confused.

What was going on?!

"You heard me. You broke Nikki's heart. Here she is, in love with you, and you go and make out with another girl. What kind of idiot does that?!"

"Umm, I'm sorry, but Nikki is not in love with me," I said, still confused.

Nikki didn't really even know me. Plus, she can have any guy she wants. The idea of her being in love with me was hilarious. I would have laughed, except I was still a little scared of Lulu. She could be intimidating when she tried.

"Of course she is. I mean, she's only been talking about it since she started school," she replied, as if it was obvious.

That was ridiculous. You can't be in love with someone after one day.

"I don't know what's up with her anyway, wanting to go to school and all this other weird stuff. I mean, ever since her stupid spirit transfer, she's been acting so weird," Lulu said, looking off as if she was thinking.

"Spirit transfer?"

I raised my eyebrows. Lulu was definitely something. I'm not sure if there were even words to describe her.

"Um, yeah. Ever since that day she passed out at that Stark Grand Opening or whatever, she hasn't been herself," she started.

My eyes widened, but not because of that. Because I remembered what else happened at that Grand Opening and I could feel the searing pain forming in my chest.

"Insisting that she's someone else or something. She kept calling herself a different name and everything. I can't remember what the name was… She's acting so different, it's like she's not even the same person anymore," Lulu said, shaking her head as if trying to remember something.

I just stood there quietly. What was I supposed to say? None of this made sense.

I still had no idea how I had hurt Nikki. And if she _was_ in love with me, I wasn't sure _why_ or _how_. And I had absolutely _no idea_ what Lulu was talking about with this weird spirit transfer thing.

This was definitely a weird night.

Lulu's eyes scrunched up, as if she was thinking, and I thought that maybe this would be the perfect time to get away. But I was startled by Frida running up to us!

"Lulu, Hey! You came!" she said excitedly, before turning to see me.

"Oh, hey Christopher," she said, smiling as polite of a smile as she could force before she turned back to Lulu.

"Of course I came. I promised you that Nikki and I would be here, silly," she said, smiling back.

Luckily, Lulu was smiling and must have forgotten how angry she apparently had been with me just a few minutes ago.

But then my mind went to something else. How did Lulu know Frida?

"Wait, Frida, how do you know Lulu?" I asked, confused.

What was going on?

"Oh…ummm…." She started, looking down and avoiding my eyes.

Something was definitely up.

"Well, I met her, because Nikki invited me over to Frida's house to have dinner!" she said, smiling.

"And how does Nikki know Frida?" I asked, still curious.

I had no idea what was going on. I wasn't sure how exactly Frida knew Nikki and Lulu. After all, Frida had been ecstatic to meet them at that Grand Opening. Obviously, she didn't know them then. So what had happened afterward that made them such good friends?

I wasn't sure, but I definitely needed to find out. Something was suspicious.

"Because she…." Lulu started, but Frida's eyes grew large and she interrupted.

"Because, well, Stark found out how much I loved Nikki, and they sent her and Lulu to meet me. To apologize for Em's death," Frida said, looking down at the ground.

I felt my chest tighten. Hearing the words Em and death in the same sentence didn't sit well with me. I felt as though my chest had been ripped open and exposed to the wintery New York cold. I quickly pushed the pain away, but then I felt something else.

Anger. At Stark.

Did they _really_ think that sending Nikki over to meet Em's family would make it better? Would they really accept that as an apology?

'I'm sorry that we practically killed your daughter. I hope meeting Nikko Howard makes up for it.' Yeah, like that would really work!

That made me angry. So angry. As if Em's life was some sort of joke.

Then I was also angry at Frida. How could she mention Em's death like it was nothing?! She was her sister! Her own flesh and blood, and she just forgot about all of that because of some super model and her best friend?!

I could feel my blood boiling. I was about to give Frida a piece of my mind, but I stopped when I heard what Lulu said.

"Em! That's it!" she said, her eyes growing wide as she smiled.

I faltered a bit out of confusion. What was she talking about?

I looked at her, with a puzzled expression, and she looked back at me.

"_That's_ what Nikki kept calling herself that day after the Stark opening. _Em!_ I knew I would remember it. I was so close too. I hate when that happens, when you have the word on the tip of your tongue and…." She started rambling, but I stopped her.

"Wait, _What _did you say Nikki kept calling herself?" I asked, my eyes wide.

Things were definitely getting weird around here.

"Lulu," I heard Frida say. I looked over to see that her eyes were huge.

What was going on?!

"Em! We stole her from the hospital and all she kept saying was 'Take me home' or 'My name is Em Watts' or…" she started again, but was stopped by Frida.

"Lulu!"

"What?" Lulu asked, confused as to why she was being scolded.

"I think you've had too much to drink," she said, slowly, as if trying to communicate with Lulu mentally. Of course, I caught on, and Lulu hadn't.

"Um, no I haven't. I just got here. I haven't drank at all yet," she said, confused.

"I think you have. Maybe you should lie down. We should get going," Frida said, dragging Lulu away.

I would have said something, but I was still in shock.

Nikki kept calling herself Em?

Nikki had also passed out the night of the Stark Opening? And she wasn't acting like the normal Nikki would act.

Then I had an image appear in my mind.

Glow-in-the-dark Dinosaur stickers. That was definitely something Em and I had talked about. Then I vaguely remembered Nikki mentioning that she had played Journeyquest and had even made it only to level 45. Which is EXACTLY the level that Em had made it to.

Then, something hit. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I had weird feeling that Nikki Howard wasn't who everyone thought she was.

I'm not sure _how_, but I'm pretty sure that Nikki Howard is actually Em.

It sounds crazy. Actually, it sounds like lunacy. But, I just have this feeling. Everything just clicked.

First, she said her name was Em. That's _definitely_ a big sign. Plus, she knew Em's family, somehow. She did mention Journeyquest and the level Em was on. She even gave me glow in the dark dinosaur stickers. Not to mention the fact that she hangs out with Frida a lot and has no problems being seen talking with me. For some reason, I feel like the _real_ Nikki Howard would have _never_ done something like that. Somehow, it all made sense.

I'm not even sure that it's physically possible, but I just have this feeling that I can't shake.

And I guess the only way to find out is to go to the source itself.

I walked to the bathroom door that Nikki had entered earlier and knocked. I tried to wait patiently, but the suspense of not knowing was killing me.

"Someone's in here," I heard, through the sniffling.

Well, here goes. It's now or never.

"Em?" I asked, slowly, but hopefully.

"What?!" the voice shouted back, instantly. And that's when I knew.

It may not have been Em's voice, but it was definitely Em. The way she responded just proved it. It was _definitely_ am Em thing.

I felt like my chest had literally burst of my chest. I have never been this happy in my entire life.

At that moment, I knew there had to be a God.

After all, I had been begging Him for a second chance, even though it was technically impossible, yet here it was.

Here _she_ was. The center of my life. The one person who understood me. The only person I've ever loved, and _hopefully_ the _only_ person I'll _ever_ love. After all, I had already lost her once, and I was definitely _not_ going to let that happen again!

***

A/N: Chapter's finished! What do you think? What is too OOC or anything? I haven't written a fanfic in a while, and especially not an Airhead one, so I feel like it may be off. What do you think? Good? Bad? Decent?

What could be better? What was your favorite part?

Please be honest to help me improve my writing.

I hope you like it! Thanks for reading!


	7. Twisted Dance of Fate Em's POV

A/N: Sorry it's been so long. 2009 was a CRAZY year. I've had a LOT of family illness and hospitalizations PLUS I'm in my last semester of nursing school…..

Anyway, I just wanted to thank all of you for sticking with the story. Here's the next part, and I hope you enjoy it!

**Em's POV**

I sat there, staring at Christopher with wide eyes as he gazed back at me, wearing the same surprised expression.

What had I just done? Christopher _can't _know that I'm really Em. It's too dangerous and risky. I'm supposed to be Nikki. Nikki Howard. And that's it. I'm not supposed to be two people, not anymore.

I was forced to give up my old life. I _couldn't_ be Em anymore. Not with Stark looking over my shoulder constantly.

Not when they threatened my parents with 2 million dollars and possible jail time. I mean, okay, you might think that if I told the press the truth, I would be able to come up with enough cash to pay the suit. Plus, Stark would _probably_ be thrown into prison, instead of my parents. But there's a few problems with that idea.

The biggest problem is that _I have no proof_. I mean, yeah, okay, I'm living proof. But how can I actually _prove_ what Stark did to me?

Option One: Hold a press conference. This would be a great idea, except for everyone would pretty much think I was a lunatic. Seriously, who's going to listen to a super model saying that she actually is carrying around the brain of just your average teenage girl who just happened to be killed during Stark's grand opening? People would probably think I was insane. They might try to lock me up. Which, could be good, in a way, I guess because at least then I wouldn't have to worry about how to avoid Brandon's kisses or how to get out of wearing this stupid diamond bra.

On the other hand, I'm pretty sure that the food they serve would definitely not be up to par with Nikki's finicky stomach. I mean, seriously, I'm still trying to figure out what foods I _can_ eat or even _want_ to eat. No wonder Nikki never had to worry about her weight. It's a nightmare.

Plus, if I was admitted, I'd never be able to see the love of my life ever again. And granted, it sucked seeing him and not being able to have him. But not being able to see him would be much worse.

So, clearly, option one is out.

At least until I have proof. Which I'm going to find. One way or another, I will prove what Stark has done, and I'll be able to fix my life. Well, not exactly. Considering the fact that my body will never be returned, and I'm stuck in Nikki's body. But _maybe_ I can at least fix what little life I have left with Christopher.

Option Two: Let surgeons probe my brains in order to find proof.

I'm not really sure if this would even work. Would my brain even _look_ different than Nikki's? Don't brains look the same?

Also, I've done the whole brain surgery thing once before, and the recovery time is awful. Aside from the fact that my last brain surgery lead to the worst day of my life: finding out that I was actually someone else. So it's definitely a no for the whole brain probing. One brain surgery is _definitely_ enough.

Option Three: Run away and start a new life.

This would be great, except I currently have the face of one of the most well known models in the country, and possibly the world after all of these random international endorsements Stark is looking into. So it would be nearly impossible to start a new life, unless I had a new face. And I think plastic surgery might be almost as uncomfortable as brain surgery. I wouldn't exactly know. Well, Nikki's body _might_ know. After all, these boobs do seem rather perfect for this body. I still wonder if they're completely real. But it's not like I can ask. That'd be rather embarrassing. Besides, even if _she_ had the surgery, that still wasn't _me._ And I think that the whole plastic surgery recovery might suck almost just as much as the brain surgery recovery. _Almost_.

Besides, once again, this would entail leaving the love of my life behind, as he sits and mourns my death while plotting evil super-villain revenge on Stark.

Option Four: Pretend that nothing has happened and that Christopher is wrong.

The con to this is definitely that I'd be lying to Christopher. Also, it would be the fact that I would have to see him look disappointed.

Just staring into his eyes is making my heart flutter. His eyes are wide with surprise, but filled with hope and eagerness. I hate to crush his dreams and break his heart once again.

But, it would protect my family from Stark. Also, it might protect Christopher. After all, I still wasn't sure what Stark was capable of and what they were willing to do. I knew that my every move was being watched. Who knew what they were planning next?

Which is exactly why I chose Option Four. To pretend that I have no idea what's going on. It might hurt Christopher, and it might break my heart. Especially since I've waited _so long_ for him to realize that it's me. But, in the end, I think it will be what's best for my family _and_ for Christopher.

"I'm sorry, who?" I said, trying to change my eyes from surprise to confusion.

Christopher narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"I said Em," he said, slowly, trying to gauge my reaction.

"I'm not sure that I know who you're talking about," I said, looking away to stare at the ground.

I couldn't look Christopher in the eyes. First, I knew that it would be impossible to lie to him if I looked into his eyes. Second, I didn't want to see the disappointment that might flash across his face.

"Em, it's you, isn't it?" he asked, almost pleadingly.

My heart shattered into pieces as I heard the desperation in his voice.

"Christopher, my name is Nikki. You should know that," I said, still looking down as I played with my fingers in my lap, trying to stay calm, without being suspicious.

"But….what about the glow in the dark dinosaur stickers?" he asked, hopefully.

"Oh, umm…." I said, trying to think of an excuse. Why, oh why, did I _ever_ give those to Christopher? It was so _stupid_ on my part. I mean, really, what did I think I was doing? Did I want him to find out? Of course, I did. But now that he has, I don't want him to know.

I didn't stop and consider the consequences of what might happen if he knew. Now, after all this time, he's somehow figured it out and I'm stuck pretending that he's wrong.

Oh, Christopher, if you only knew how much I loved you. If you only knew that I was only doing this to protect you, because I love you so much. If you only knew how much I wish I could reach out and hold you. But I can't, _because_ I love you.

"I just thought they were cool, you know. And I thought you might like them," I said, coming up with a horrible excuse.

If Christopher thought I was lying, he didn't mention it. Instead, he just asked another question.

"What about Journeyquest?" he asked again, still trying.

I felt my heart melt. I loved that Christopher really knew about the stickers. I loved that he actually remembered our conversation. It was one of the sweetest things a guy could ever do for a girl.

And, now, the sweetest romantic gesture any guy has ever done for me, and I have to lie about it.

"What about it?" I asked, trying to come off as indifferent.

"Um, the fact that you, _Nikki Howard_, play Journeyquest. And the fact that the level you mentioned reaching was _precisely_ the level that Em and I were stuck on," he said, warily.

"I told you already, I'm not sure who this _Em_ is that you're talking about. But I'm sorry that I happen to play Journeyquest, and I'm sorry that it doesn't fit into your view of what Nikki Howard should be. But, I _am_ Nikki Howard," I said, finally looking up at him.

Christopher looked a little hurt, really confused, slightly suspicious, and quite overwhelmed. It was a very interesting facial expression to observe.

"Look at my face. Don't I _look_ like Nikki Howard?" I asked, a little edgy. It broke my heart talking to Christopher this way, but I needed to protect him. After I found proof and found a way out of Stark's contract, I would tell him. And, maybe then, if the stars were aligned, we could be together.

"Yes…" he said, slowly, not understanding where I was headed.

"Okay. Listen to my voice. Do I _sound_ like Nikki Howard?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, but…" he started, but I cut him off.

"Exactly. I _look_ like Nikki Howard. I _sound_ like Nikki Howard. Therefore, common sense would say that I _am_ Nikki Howard," I said, trying to finish without crying.

The look of confusion and disappointment on Christopher's face made my heart feel as if it was being torn in a million different directions.

Please don't hate me, Christopher. As soon as I can figure this out, I'll tell you the truth. But, until then, I can't. You can't know. Not until I know you'll be safe.

"Okay, I get it. And I know it sounds crazy, but you just don't _act_ like Nikki Howard," Christopher said, still trying.

When Christopher set his mind to something, he was definitely persistent.

"Oh, really? And how, exactly, does Nikki Howard act? I mean, you hardly even know me," I said, trying to get him to drop the subject.

"I know, but…" he said, still trying to come up with words. He was so desperate that it hurt me to watch. "You just. I'm not sure. There's just something about you," he finished, dropping his shoulders sadly.

"Look, I'm sorry that I'm not who you're looking for, Christopher. Maybe one day you'll find her," I finished.

Yeah, one day when I finally can _prove _what Stark has done.

"No, I won't. Because she's gone," he said, leaning against the wall and sliding down until he was sitting on the floor right next to me. He refused to meet my eyes, but he kept his eyes on the floor.

I swear I saw him reach up to wipe his eye, and I felt myself flinch. This had to be the worst pain I had ever experienced.

Do you have _any_ idea what it's like to love someone and to know that they love you back, but to also know that you can't be together? And to know that by _not_ being together, you're actually protecting them, even though you're killing yourself? _Agony_ is what it is. Absolute, pure torturesome agony. It felt as if my heard was being seared with a jagged knife over and over again.

The room started to get fuzzy, and then was when I realized that I was crying. Tears were filling up my eyes and pouring down my cheeks. I looked over to Christopher to see that his head was in his hands and his shoulders were shaking.

I had never seen Christopher cry before, and it broke my heart. The worst part of it was that I was the reason he was crying. I could just say the words and make it all better, but I couldn't. Because doing so could possibly make it worse. I couldn't put his life in jeopardy. Who knew what lengths Stark was willing to go through in order to protect this secret?

So I resisted the urge to reach out and hold him, even though he was just inches away. Somehow, I resisted the urge to tell him the truth. I just sat there and watched as his shoulders shook from the pain. I began to hear myself gasping for breath, and I realized that I had begun to sob uncontrollably. It was no longer a slow flow of tears, but instead, it was loud, gasping sobs.

It was misery to think that we were both sitting in a bathroom floor sobbing over each other. We were so close physically, and yet we had never been so far apart. Our hearts were breaking, and the pain could easily be taken away if I just told him the truth. But at what cost? What would the price be if I told Christopher? The price could possibly be higher than I was willing to pay. So I didn't say anything. I just sat there.

I sat and watched as my tears hit the floor and mingled with Christopher's in a cruel, twisted dance of fate.

A/N: So the end of that was probably one of the saddest things I have ever written. I hope it was okay though. To be honest, I have no idea where this story is headed. I don't really have a plot. It's sort of just go with the flow. So I hope that it's okay.

I'm sorry that I haven't written much recently. Between family illnesses and my last semester of nursing school, I'm so overwhelmed. I hardly even sleep anymore, let alone write. But I've gotten so many amazing reviews for this that I just HAD to write more. I definitely plan to finish this. I'm not sure how long it will take, but I plan to do it. So keep reading!

Please let me know what you think. I've gotten a few new reviews recently, and that's the only reason I've decided to update at all. So your reviews really do count!

I hope you liked it!


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